(Apologies to anyone who has never heard these songs, and anyone who actually knows anything about music.)
 
Felix Live!!!
"It's My Dream" Tour '99
Trail Days-Damascus, VA
Picture, if you will, a huge stage. The lawn in front of the stage is a sea of humanity. Hikers, bikers, commoners...the whole gamut. It is just past dusk, but not quite twilight. Somewhere between day and night; a time that doesn't exist. The stage is dark except for low-voltage mood lighting in red. There is tension in the air. The crowd aquiver. Very slowly and quietly the lead-in for Aerosmith's "Sweet Emotion" begins. It is a long lead-in. A figure, Felixesque in stature, can be seen moving center stage, maracas shaking in his right hand. As snare drum and crash cymbals bring the stage lights on (red and orange), the maracas are replaced by a microphone...and this happens:

(To the tune of "Sweet Emotion")

Feeeeeeeeeeeet with Moleskin,
Feeeeeeeeeeeet with Moleskin,

I pull on my boots and they fit just right, (guitar)
Wish I'd known they'd be too tight.
Got a hotshot here and one over there (guitar)
Gonna have to stop and do some foot care (yeah)
My socks are hot and my feet are on fiya (guitar)
One more blister and I just may retire.

Feeeeeeeeeeeet with Moleskin
Feeeeeeeeeeeet with Moleskin

I clean my feet usin' alcohol and gauze (guitar)
If it stings real bad I sit back and pause
I peel off the back and stick it to my skin (guitar)
Now it's time to put my boot on again

(Guitar player, who you'll meet later, draws out the last note  and uses a whammy bar as guitar fades. Lights dim. Suddenly, Moog/keyboard player and drummer start intro to Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA". Lights flash with beat of the drum. Stage is fully lit when vocals start.)

Got me a brand new pack
Tied it to my luggage rack
Headed north like a Maineac
Then I strapped the thing to my back

And I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Yes, I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Well, I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Come on, take me hikin' on the ol' AT

So, I hiked down to The Whites
And they started takin' away my rights
Chargin' me to spend my nights
AMC had me in their sites

And I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Yes, I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Well, I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Come on, take me hikin' on the ol' AT

Made it to the state that's Green
Most shelters I've ever seen
Met a guy named "Mr. Clean"
He was bald and smoked like a fiend

And I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Yes, I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Well, I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Come on, take me hikin' on the ol' AT

Then I made it down to Mass
Kent, Connecticut kiss my ass
New York state was very crass
Then thru Jersey I had to pass

And I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Yes, I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Well, I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Come on, take me hikin' on the ol' AT

Rocksylvania did welcome me
I had a Yuenglings, or maybe three
Maryland's got nothin' to see
So I went on to Harper's Ferry.

And I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Yes, I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Well, I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Come on, take me hikin' on the ol' AT

Virginia's long, that's for sure
That pasture water can't be pure
Hikin' through that cow manure
Gettin' out is the only cure

And I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Yes, I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Well, I'm Goin' ta hike the whole AT
Come on, take me hikin' on the ol' AT

Tennessee went like a breeze
Just like  the old Smokies
Show me Bly Gap, if you please
When on Springer, I hit my knees

And I thank you, Old AT
Yes, I tip my hat to the Old AT

Give it up...

The lead singer asks the crowd "Okay, are you all feeling good tonight?" This gets cheers from the audience. "We don't want anybody to get hurt down here. Break it up or we'll have to get security. Let's just have a good time"  he says to a small fracas stage left and about 5 rows back. From the stage there appeared to be some fisticuffs involving two hikers resembling Jim Owen and Beorn.

"This ones from '98 also. It's about being on the Trail. It's called 'Where's the Blaze?'"

One, two, three and...(To the tune of Bob Seger's 'Turn the Page')

On a long and blue-blazed side-trail, south of Boiling Springs
There's supposed to be a shelter where people leave you things

A sandwich and some cookies and other things to eat
 

Somehow when I got there, the sign I couldn't see
Cause there was only one sign, on the south side of a tree

So I hiked on past the shelter, how far I do not know.
 

Here I go, hiking southbound
Here I go, I'm in a maze
Here I go, hiking southbound
Where am I, Where's the Blaze

The state parks are all shut down. Bathrooms locked up tight
"You're not allowed to stay here.You can't camp here tonight!"

So, I decide to keep on hikin' for a sandwich and a beer
"Sorry, restaurant's  closed. We'll open up next year."

I head back to the Trail, but which way should I go?

There's a blaze on that tree there, but that's from which I came
No blazes on the southside, why can't they be the same?

I guess I'll just keep looking north, while I'm hiking south

Here I go, hiking southbound
Here I go, I'm in a maze
Here I go, hiking southbound
Where am I, Where's the Blaze

Ahhh, there I go
Where's the Blaaaaaazahh

"Thank you" from the singer. "I'd like to introduce the band to you now. These guys have worked real hard and we still sound this bad. On lead guitar, let's hear it for Bo Dudley." Grey Owl plays a little guitar for the appreciative crowd. "Over on keyboards, you love him, you hate him, he wears fleece socks...Kay K. Harvey." Cake waves with his left hand while tinkling the ivories with his other two hands. "On drums, because beatin' the skins is what he does best, Sly and the Family Man." Sly nearly passes out, but realizes he has more beer. "On all the brass, because he really knows how to blow,  Batchelor boB." (You thought I missed that Boiling Springs entry, didn't you?). "On bass, keeping perfect rythym, is Pokey Hontas." Pokey plays thumb-bass with her index finger. "On background vocals and money maker-shakin', Twilight and her Headlights. The staging was all  designed and built by Kosmo Katalano. And me, I'm Felix J. McGillicuddy. Thank you all for coming out this evening."

(Felix takes a guitar from stagehand Kurt Russell and walks center stage. Lights dim and Felix plays the lead-in to Highway to Hell...the crowd goes crazier.)

Hitchin's easy
Supposed to be
Thumb's out
Won't you stop for me?

Hey lady
Can't you see
The next town's
Where I want to be

Slow it down
Let me in
I think it's time
For  a pizza again

And I'm on the Highway to Town
Highway to Town
I'm on the Highway to Town
Highway to Town...

Here comes a truck
With an empty bed
Right on by
He sped up instead

Don't make me walk
Please let me ride
Can barely move
And God knows I've tried

Pull it over
Let me in
I'm beggin' you
Don't wanna walk again

And I'm on the Highway to Town
Highway to Town
I'm on the Highway to Town
Highway to...

And they're slowin' doooooooooowwwwnnnn. Ahhhhhhhhh! On the Highway to Town.

The band immediately goes into John Mellencamp's "Smalltown" (sorry John.)

Well, I was hikin' through a trailtown
Got my mail in a trailtown
Took a shower in a trailtown
Oh, the small things are big to me.

Got some food in a trailtown
Ate a meal in a trailtown.
Found a bed in that trailtown
Life's worth livin', can't you see.

Oh, I cannot forget
For what it is that I came for
A life that is simple
And people love me

And when we all stand up
Give your neighbor a hug
Realize,
That's how it oughta be

Now I'm leavin' this trailtown
Headed for the next trailtown
Won't be as good as this trailtown
Damascus is where I wanna be.

Hey...

(Music plays out, then fades out as the alarm goes off. It was just my dream, ya know?)
 
 
 
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